Rate And Discuss 3.5: Evolution of the Daleks

[Rob McCow]

9 years later....

Man, the Cult of Skaro. They are the absolute kings of Stupid Plans That Make No Sense and they've been running Dalek affairs since (at least) The Invasion of Earth.

So what plans could the Cult have come up with?

Invasion of Earth: Mine out the magnetic core of Earth so we can fly it about the place. Forgot to mention installing a giant force-field to protect the atmosphere, constructing a mobile miniature sun nearby to ensure that it doesn't freeze etc.

The Chase: Send Daleks back in time to assassinate the first Doctor. We know this will work because we have never come across the Doctor again after this.

Master Plan: Invent a ludicrously powerful weapon and involve all the other races in the Galaxy in a plot to overthrow them all. Lots of conferences and mining. Not a bad effort actually.

Power of The Daleks: Nothing to do with the CofS.

Evil of The Daleks: Find a guy in Victorian England who is doing experiments with mirrors and then kidnap the Doctor from a hundred years in the future and make him and his companion do some tests so we can work out what the Human Factor is and therefore what the Dalek Factor is. Then spread the Dalek Factor through the entire history of Earth (but better start with the early bits because we might change the timeline). Why didn't we think of this before?

Day of The Daleks: Invade Earth again and just do lots and lots of mining for no reason.

Planet of The Daleks: Freeze 10,000 Daleks in an Icecano just to have in our back pocket in case we need them later *WINK*.

Death To The Daleks: Head down to dangerous planet to collect Perinium - or maybe wait until the Humans have collected the Perinium and then steal it off them?

Genesis: CofS not made yet.

Destiny: We need to defeat the Movellans. Let's look at our skill sets. We like exterminating and mining. Let's dig up Davros, because he's reliable isn't he?

Resurrection: Two great plans working against each other - Getting Davros to find a cure to the Dalek plague and using clones of the Doctor and his companions to invade Galifrey. Or use a clone of Tegan to invade Brisbane. Is there any chance the Doctor might get a hold of the Dalek-killing virus samples we sent to the same place as the end of the time corridor we sent him down?

Revelation / Resurrection / Bad World / Parting of The Ways: No really nothing to do with us.

Doomsday: Invade everything! We'll set up some mines later.

Daleks in Manhattan: Just do whatever you feel. Genetics, solar flares, pig slaves, making a Human Dalek and - And! Dalek Humans. This really is Dalek planning with the brakes off. No Emperor around with his negative attitude - "Dalek Sec, that is just stupid!" he used to say. "Are you sure we want to kidnap the Doctor again?" and "I don't think you understand how time travel works! No really you don't!" How very dare he.

Victory of The Daleks: The New Paradigm. That was one of ours. Class.

And so on.

[Stuart Wallis]

Daleks, eh? Temper of a Tasmanian devil and the brains of a politician. No wonder everyone's scared of them!