Slop Mail

[Rob McCow]

Here's a little thread where people can post their favourite poorly spelt, gramatically incorrect or just plain stupid E-mails. Only E-mails that you've recieved, naturally, not ones you've sent (unless you're especially proud of them!)

Here's one I got today, in response to some requests about the traffic survey data they sent us previously.

Hi Steven,

LGVs include all vehicles between 30cwt and 16 tons gross vehicle weight (GVW). The category includes all vans and pick-up or small lorries.

HGVs include all vehicles exceeding approx.16 ton GVW. This vehicles can be identify as having 3 or more axles and will include all articulated lorries and lorries with trailers.

QL

We have counted the HGV and Buses as 2 vehicles therefore a total of 3 vehicles and 1 HGV means 1 HGV and 1 other vehicle.

When a figure is starred it means that the queue length exceeded our surveyors sight and they cannot see up to where the queue ended therefore 14* means we are expecting 14 + vehicles in the queue.

Hope this help you.

Kind regards,

I was tempted to reply: 'Yes this help me. Ta.'

[Captain Tancredi]

The other week I had an email from my supervisor about shifts, in which she asked "Could you do me 9-5 next week please?".

If I'd been in the union I would have claimed harrassment.

[Lissa]

Ooooh I'm sure I'll come back to this with much ammunition. The one I remember off the top of my head is when someone has got someone else's out of office message (telling them to forward their request to me). Instead of forwarding their message to me, they forward the OOOM auto-reply. It doesn't help.

[Jon Masters]

The other week I had an email from my supervisor about shifts, in which she asked "Could you do me 9-5 next week please?".

If I'd been in the union I would have claimed harrassment.

Perhaps you should be flattered that she considers you to have the stamina to make such a request

[Simon R]

I once had a spam email that promised "LOTS OF HORSE CUM".

You couldn't make it up!

[Jeff]

If you get CC'ed forwarded on a slop mail does that mean you are getting sloppy seconds?

[Paul Monk]

I had a good one today. It was an automatically generated email telling me I had replied to an automatic email it sent originally with an my automatically generated Out of Office email.
If this was paper you'd be hauled up in front of the boss for wasting resources!

[Rob McCow]

If people have time to write these emails, I've got time to put them up on PS.

15 January 2008 12:29 - from me:

Dear CIG,

The hanger rails in our section are frequently full up. It looks untidy. Perhaps a couple of additional hatstands around the office could be provided to take the load off?

15 January 2008 14:20

Hi J,

Steven has sent the London CIG the message below. I think he has a valid point as our rail is full of clothes that no one seems to use. Could we have a clear out first thing in the morning or at night and any clothes left on the rack get put in a box for collection by the owners? That way if nothing gets collected we could take it to the charity shop?

Thanks

S

15 January 2008 14:29:

Thanks S - have sent this onto the Team Secretaries for them to pass down the line - if it doesn't improve, we will take up the suggestion of clearing them down!!

Rgds
J

And so, still on 15 January 2008 but now at 17:50, well past home time, an email was sent from the CIG.

And so, 15 January 2008 18:14:

Dear CIG,

Further to the chain of e-mails, below, some thoughts:

With regards to the subsequent suggestion of taking the coats off the rails in the morning or evening: Who decides at what time to do this? What about people that work late or get in early?

If it is considered that the rails look untidy, then is that not an issue of design rather than use? An alternative could be to enclose the coat rail areas and provide sliding door access.

As an aside, has the existing rail capacity versus the number of people we have in this office been checked? Is additional capacity required (in general/in specific locations according to clusters of desks vs proximity to coat rail)?

Perhaps the people leaving other items of clothing on the rails are those that cycle to work and need to change on arrival/departure.


Regards,

R

16 January 2008 08:27 (next morning at last!)

Hi R,

I think the main point made to CIG was that the rails (ours in particular - see photo 002 taken at 07:20 this morning) has lots of unused jackets that we've never seen anyone wear for over a year. Now apart from the dry cleaning, which I'm hoping is there for a cyclist to change into, does the rest really need to be there? I'm not sure it's an issue of the rails looking untidy, but rather the working areas looking unprofessional with coats on the backs of peoples chairs.

I think you're right in saying we do need to see if we have enough available rails/stands. However, we should first take out those unused items to get a true perspective on the existing rail usage. Also, if items were to be removed, I'm sure adequate notice would be sent round to everyone to let them know what's going on before it happens.

Looks like we'll have to postpone the jacket bonfire a little longer...

[Si Hunt]

I had call to send this to Supporting Services at work a short while ago:

I have just smacked my head against the sporadically faulty door entrance to the corridor from the Canteen when it failed to unlock correctly.

Following my reporting of the fault two weeks ago at reception, the red tape being put up around it, the paper notice of a "temporary fault" being put on it and the removal of the notice again, would it be possible for the door to be fixed now please.

[Rob McCow]

If its broken, but there's a sign, then it is fixed, yes?

Have they repaired it yet?

[Si Hunt]

No, that was in March '07. I complained again in September '07. I'm still on the case.

Si.

[cullsoft]

Si - Have you called Claims Direct? It sounds like the sort of thing they'd make a commercial out of!