Madeleine McCann - Should Her Parents Be Blamed

[Larry]

Obviously when a child gose missing it's an extreamly dissressing and traumatic for the parents and we hope and pray that little Madeline will still be found safe and well. But while this has been going on a question that for some reason has been avoided is why the hell did her parents leave 3 such young chilldren on their own unsuppervised while they went out. What makes that worse is they did not do that at home but in a foriegn country..

It is some thing we have disscussed where I work and we have all agreed that it was totaly wrong and the parents have to take a lot of the blame for whats happened. Perhaps it's because the parents are two proffesional people that the press have over looked this question yet had it been a single mother the press would of been screaming what a bad uncaring parent she was.

What is for sure is that if any parent in this country left their young chilldren aloan while they went out the police would charge them with child neglect .

[Rob McCow]

I hadn't realised that was the case. It does cast a different light on things.

It would be very difficult for the press to turn against them, however, when they are making pleas for the child's safe return, with the police still involved.

[Anthony Williams]

yup... she was left alone, with her two two-year old siblings.

pretty bloody stupid on the part of her parents, I think.

Ant x

[WhiteCrow]

Both her parents are also Doctors, you would really think they'd know better. Although I do want to see her safe return, I really feel a bit angered by the hysteria over this case. If she was in a single parent family you could imagine the papers going in a blood frenzy by now.

Unfortunately children do go missing all too often, but it only seems to be the ones from affluent middle class families which we're supposed to get worked up about according to the media, and I find that a bit sickening.

[Si Hunt]

I read a story from "a fellow parent of a child that went missing" on the BBC news today, which they tied into the Madeline McCann story. Ironically enough, bells rang in my head when I read that story too, especially "she often travelled away from home and it was a week before we knew she was officially missing". I don't know, you just think - and she was 16, so technically a child, if your kid has been missing for a whole week and you don't even know, what does that say about your qualities as a parent?

Si.

[Captain Tancredi]

There was a comment on Channel 4 News earlier that in the time since Madeleine disappeared, over 100 (and I think the figure was nearer 200) under-18s have gone missing from home. An angelic-looking three-year-old will always grab the attention, though, and the fact that it happened in Portugal and therefore falls under Portuguese law and investigation procedures seems to be fuelling the hysteria because the British media aren't being fed the titbits of speculation they thrive on.

[michael]

i was saying the same thing to day
the only news i want to see in the news now is she been found safe
but this may be a bit late let still hope
the news just tell no new info or just dig more dirt

[Dave Lewis]

I do think the parents are to blame for leaving a three year old and two twins a year younger unsupervised for at least forty five minutes at a time, but the idea of somehow applying criminal charges to them is pretty pointless. It won't do anything to help get Madeleine back, and anyway, if the poor kid has been killed, I imagine that Mr and Mrs McCann will be punishing themselves for the rest of their lives. Also, I think the hitherto supportive media will turn on them and apply their own particular brand of retribution on them.

It's a terrible tragedy all round, really. I hope she's found safe and unharmed but I fear that this is an unlikely outcome.

[Pip Madeley]

Dave makes some very good points.

What the hell was in their minds when they thought they'd go out and leave pre-school children on their own at a holiday home in another country? I have no sympathy for them, it serves them right and I just hope that Madeleine is safe, the poor child. And if she is found safe and well, I'd hope social services would get involved, because they seem to be very unfit parents.

[Jon Masters]

Dave makes some very good points.

What the hell was in their minds when they thought they'd go out and leave pre-school children on their own at a holiday home in another country? I have no sympathy for them, it serves them right and I just hope that Madeleine is safe, the poor child. And if she is found safe and well, I'd hope social services would get involved, because they seem to be very unfit parents.

I know the sentiments you're trying to express Pip, but they have paid probably the ultimate price for their mistake and they may have to live with that (and their other childrens attitudes when they grow up) for the rest of their lives. I don't condone what they did, but at the same time I have left Tom (aged 5) in the house on his own (locked doors etc) while I rushed round the corner to get milk etc. Given how parents often overemphasise the risks of accidents or abduction etc. when it becomes an issue, its frighteningly easy to take (admittedly small) risks when you're in a rush and don't stop to think.

Don't worry - I frighten myself enough at night with some of the things that might have / could in the future happen.

I can understand the reluctance of the press to wade in at this stage, but I am getting a bit annoyed at some of the peripheral issues e.g money raising schemes so that the immediate and extended family can stay out there as long as possible. They're hardly a charity case or a worthy cause in that respect.

[Pip Madeley]

Thanks for understanding Jon, and I certainly don't mean to tar you with their brush - I wonder what was so important that both parents had to leave their three children at home alone...

[Anthony Williams]

Thanks for understanding Jon, and I certainly don't mean to tar you with their brush - I wonder what was so important that both parents had to leave their three children at home alone...

and it wasn't to do anything as quick and mundane as pop round the corner for milk - they went out to dinner together, leaving three toddlers in a house alone together!

Ant x

[Pip Madeley]

The shocking thing is, I've just read that at the restaurant they went to, there were childcare facilities, this from the website of the Club they went to dine at:

Childcare
Mark Warner’s superb childcare facilities for all ages from four months upwards are available and a unique service on offer at the Ocean Club is our ‘Dine Out’ option. As accommodations are spread throughout the village, we offer to keep an eye on the little ones while you go out to eat - just drop them at our kids club, ready for bed and pick them up when you’ve finished.

The resort is tailored to meet the needs of families - so why did they not drop their children off?

[Phillip Culley]

and it wasn't to do anything as quick and mundane as pop round the corner for milk - they went out to dinner together, leaving three toddlers in a house alone together!

Ant x

But they did go check them every half hour. Allegedly.

So, that gives a would be kidnapper half an hour to pinch them, or a choking child half an hour to die, or a crying child half an hour unattended... the list goes one.

Parents like that need to learn that if you have kids, you're going to have to make sacrifices, and one of those sacrifices is having a meal together without the kids.

[WhiteCrow]

We once went to a Golden Wedding anniversary, with our son who was only 9 months. We hired a room, and a babysitter for that period and STILL had a baby monitor with us.

And we're not two affluent doctors. I hope they get their daughter back, so social services can take her right back off them.

[Andrew Curnow]

I find this a very tricky subject to have a firm opinion on - on the one hand, it seems appalling to leave children alone at that age for any length of time. On the other hand, what would be an acceptable length of time? If the parents had been out of the room for 1 minute, it would have been long enough - would that be unacceptable? Or 5 minutes?

I agree with the point made above that one of the sacrifices of having kids can be cosy meals together as a couple, and I do wonder what the parents were thinking of when they decided to go out and not take up the available child-care facilities. And when I saw a picture of the complex layout on the BBC news site, which showed how far away the restaurant was from the room (and more to the point, how you couldn't see one from the other) it really shocked me.

Hmm. I think what I'm trying to say is that I can't imagine me & Zel ever going out to a restaurant and leaving our child alone, either now or when she was a baby. But on the other hand, there are occasions when Zel has gone to bed with a migraine before I was home from work, leaving Little Miss 'alone' with just the precaution of locking the front & back doors. And at a certain age when she was little we would leave a bottle of milk propped against the side of her cot, in case she woke up and we didn't hear. She could have choked or anything. So I think what I'm getting at (and feeling increasingly guilty in the process actually) is that in hindsight there are lots of things that could have happened, and which we would then have (rightly) blamed ourselves for. However many things you worry about and allow for, there are always more things that could go wrong. When Claudia goes to the park down the road we can't see her or hear her - on the one hand, I wouldn't want to make the mistake of cocooning her in cotton wool so that she has no independance or 'life of her own'; but if she didn't come back from the park one evening, would we be to blame for letting her go out on her own?

I suspect parents at that resort (possibly Madeleine McCann's parents) have previously done what the McCann's have done, and nothing has happened. So although I think they've made a mistake, I do find it impossible to honestly point the finger of blame at them and reduce my sympathy. It must be awful, absolutely awful for them.

[Andrew Curnow]

(Apologies for the overlong post.)

[Trudi G]

I was discussing the very same thing today with my friend Tracy and her mum - and we all agreed that they should'nt have left the children alone under any circumstances.
They were well off and could've afforded the babysitting service offered, and i can see no reason why they didn't use it.
They have paid the highest price for their stupidity.

[WhiteCrow]

They have paid the highest price for their stupidity.

Seems affluence doesn't buy common sense.

[Trudi G]

Seems affluence doesn't buy common sense.

Funnily enough, one of the things my friends mum said yesterday was " People like us, who live day to day, wouldn't dream of leaving our kids like they did - we're too savvy"
So you could well be right.

[Alex]

And we're not two affluent doctors. I hope they get their daughter back, so social services can take her right back off them.

I've got to say I disagree with that. Yes, the McCann's made a terrible mistake, and a stupid one at that, but to put their child in Maddy in to social services where she could spend years being put in various children's homes and (possibly) unsuitable foster homes, could damage her quite seriously - especially after all that's happened now.

The parent's have seemed to be generally good people who did something unbelievably stupid, and possibly selfish, but lets face it they'll never do anything like this again - and I don't think Maddy should be punished for their mistake.

[Paul Monk]

Well said!

[Si Hunt]

I think their mistake has been punished enough, saving social services the trouble, I only hope they get a second chance.

Si.

[Wayne]

Apologies for making the briefest of comments whilst i'm stilll catching up, but i find myself in agreement with both Trudi & Alex.
Until, i read this thread, i hadn't realized these circumstances! I find it pretty bloody unbelievable, to be honest!

[The Secretive Bus]

I have no sympathy for them, it serves them right

I know that they made a horrendous mistake and that they are paying for it - and, worse, the child is paying for a mistake she didn't make - but you do sound terribly callous there. I expect the parents have been beating themselves up over this non-stop since. If parents make a mistake can you then say that they weren't loving parents, no matter all the other things they may have done in their lives for their child?

I think I can understand your general point but the way you express it is a bit... iffy, shall we say.