A hypothetical season 4

[Matthew T]

If I were in charge of Season 4....

Episode 1 Set on Earth and reintroduces Donna, but ALSO introduces Su Pollard as Donna's mad old Aunty. This would be an RTD piece, with lots of monsters and lots of humour.

Episode 2 Sees The Doctor try to take Donna off in the TARDIS to the year 100 trillion squillion billion, but something goes wrong and they end up in 1970s Blackpool where something sinister is happening no doubt.

Episode 3 With the TARDIS fixed, The Doctor takes Donna for a ride on the Orient Express at the beginning of the 20th Century, but they are soon caught up with a race of aliens that have all taken on the appearance of Agatha Christie and are killing off everyone on board one by one.

Episodes 4+5 Arriving back on Earth, The Doctor and Donna are visiting Aunty Su when a Sontaran ship crashes in her back garden. The Sontaran has a Rutan taskforce on his tail (fanwank!) and decides to call for reinforcements and continue his war from Aunty Su's backyard. Martha reappears in episode 5 and leaves with the TARDIS at the end.

Episode 6 Martha and Donna complain that they've never seen a proper alien planet, Martha saying that "that one in Utopia doesn't count cos it was only a quarry", so the Doctor takes them to a lavishly realised alien jungle, where the three of them are stalked by horrible monsters with big teeth and glowing eyes!

Episode 7 Set on a space station (for variety), Where some crap monsters are plotting something nefarious. The Doctor defeats them incredibly easily. There's fan outrage at the simplicity of this story BUT IT'S LEADING UP TO SOMETHING!!

Episode 8+9 Something very clever written by Steven Moffatt that will be declared the "best episode ever" by a large proportion of fans.

Episode 10 The Doctor-less episode. Aunty Su teams up with Martha's jovial Jamaican Aunty (played by Rustie Lee) and they break into UNIT headquarters to try and find out more about The Doctor. In the process they knock over an Auton sphere in UNIT's storeroom, unwittingly setting off another Auton invasion! Our two brave heroes do battle with the tentacled Nestene creature which is defeated after being stabbed through the eye by Su with one of her knitting needles.

Episode 11 The Doctor, Donna and Martha are back on Earth, In Cardiff to visit Captain Jack, who has a problem - he's captured a huge alien monster but doesn't know what to do with it - it's unintelligent but dangerous. It escapes of course and is intent on eating Donna. Our heroes run for the TARDIS, but the monster follows them in! A chase through the TARDIS ensues. After the monster is defeated, hearing about the Autons from Jack, the four of them visit Su and Rustie...who FORCE THEMSELVES ABOARD THE TARDIS just as it's dematerialising!

Episodes 12+13

Before The Doctor can take them back to Earth, the TARDIS is knocked from the vortex by a bolt of rainbow coloured energy....yes...IT'S THE RANI! (Played by Zoe Lucker). She's teamed up with the humiliated monsters from episode 7, and has tracked down all the crap monsters that The Doctor has defeated over the years...the Monoids...the Nimon...the Krotons...etc etc, and formed a massive fleet to destroy the Doctor's favourite planet...Earth!

The Rani intends The Doctor to watch the destruction from her secret lair but she hadn't bargained on Su and Rustie who manage to distract her long enough for The Doctor to escape and flee in the TARDIS to warn Earth, with The Rani in hot pursuit to try and stop him. IT'S A RACE AGAINST TIME!

I think you'll agree that would be the best series ever.

[Rob McCow]

Why does it have to be the Rani?

I'm not even going to watch your Season 4.*

*I will really.

[Logo Polish]

Starring Jimm Sohn as Kallid.

4. The Beasts Of England by Russell T Davies

Nice Animal Farm reference, Dave.

[Dave Lewis]

Season Four, continued...

7. Chicken Donna (Clip show) by Russell T Davies

With Martha electing to remain on Earth at the end of The Webb Of Fear, the Doctor travels on with his old friend Donna, the one-time 'Runaway Bride'. However, the shocking events of that adventure have left Donna a nervous wreck, afraid of just about everything. To help her overcome her fears - and to give the over stretched budget a rest - the Doctor decides to dig out the time/space visualiser and show her a compilation of some of his most frightening adventures. Donna learns that bravery isn't a matter of not being scared, it's about moral speeches, gurning, and Venusian karate.

8. Tardiscotheque (part one of two) by Helen Raynor

The Doctor and Donna arrive in the far future on a space station that is a twenty four hour nightclub, where people and beings from all over space and time come to strut their funky stuff. However, strange things start to occur - a new kind of drug is being given to clubbers, and soon there are deaths in the disco... and worse. The Doctor must prove his innocence, and to do so he must answer three questions... What is in the new drug that is so lethal? Why has it killed some people, and turned others into giant birds? And who is the mysterious owner of the time travelling night club, Tina Reh?

9. Tits Of The Rani (part two of two) by Helen Raynor

The Rani's Great Tits continue to prove a distraction for the Doctor, as he struggles to stop the Tardiscotheque nightclub from crashing into the Sun and destroying the whole space/time continuum. Can the Doctor hatch a plan to stop the feathered killers, reverse the death plunge of the Tardiscotechque and defeat the Rani, or will it be left to Donna to sort everything out with some shouting?

10. Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey by Paul Cornell

The Doctor takes Donna to Abbey Road studios, London, in 1968, to see the Beatles recording the White Album. However, it soon becomes clear that someone or something has meddled with time, because Ringo is the lead singer, and John Lennon and Paul McCartney have been replaced by two chimpanzees. The Doctor must strap on his stratocaster, and put things right before the whole of pop music is subjected to four sides of Ringo's disgraceful mix of thirties ballads and self-penned drivel.

11. Blank ('Doctor-lite' episode) by Stephen Moffat

A sequel to series three's Blink, featuring the return of Sally Sparrow. In this episode, Sally teams up with Martha to fight the evil Angels, who now only move when you have your eyes open. Sally and Marthat stumble around with their eyes shut, knocking over furniture, barging into people, and offending the partially sighted as they struggle to defeat the alien horrors.

12. The Appliance Of Science (part one of two) by Russell T Davies

The Doctor decides to educate the practically illiterate Donna by taking her to meet one of the greatest scientists of all time - Professor Stephen Hawking.But the Professor is hiding a terrible secret - he isn't really human, and his sequel to "The History Of The Universe" is entitled "The End Of The Universe"... and it's ready to be published...

With special guest star Stephen Hawking as himself.

13. The Final End (part two of two) by Russell T Davies

The Doctor must defeat Davros and thwart his plans for universal destruction, even if it means paying the ultimate price.

At the end of episode thirteen, a special message will be broadcast featuring Russell T Davies and Julie Gardner bidding a tearful goodbye to the legions of Doctor Who viewers, whilst still managing to point out how "absolutely wonderful" the series has been...

[Dirk Gently]

If only R.T.D would employ you we could have a season to remember.

[Matthew T]

"Blank" sounds amazing

[transvamp]

My hypothetical season 4 is one that's decently written, with proper conclusions and with a Doctor and companion team who aren't obnoxious.

Never going to happen though....

[Wayne]

You could always put yourself (and us) out of your misery by simply not bothering to watch it.
Just think of all the spare time you'd have to put your energies into memorizing another complete script from the classic series.

[transvamp]

[some RTD arse-kissing stuff I might reply to if I was someone who cared]

. . .

[Dave Lewis]

"Slip me a length, Pertwee... I despise RTD... Seasonthirteenserial43BSepisode2directorBarryLetts wankwankwank..."

[transvamp]

"Slip me a length, Pertwee... I despise RTD... Seasonthirteenserial43BSepisode2directorBarryLetts wankwankwank..."

Oh wow, you have overwhelmed me with your witty juvenile body function gags.

Maybe Russell should employ you as guest writer.

[Wayne]

Lost your way? Click Here.

[Rob McCow]

Hold it right there!

This threads cruising for a closing.

[Milky Tears]

I've been missing loads of fun in this thread.

It looked to anal for me.

Dave's last post has reached a whole new PS level...

[Rob McCow]

OK, that's enough. Calm down everyone please!

Look at the puppy below until you don't want to snipe at each other any more.

[Si Hunt]

We demand a T-shirt adorned with the phrase "Slip me a length, Pertwee".

Si.