The Quotes Thread

[Simon R]

A dialogue triumph in tonight's Corrie...

Carla to Maria: "A leopard never changes it's spots..."
Maria to Carla "and a slapper never changes her knickers".

Ooooh.

[Pip Madeley]

Swiss Toni attends an evening of speed dating (aka musical chairs for emotional cripples):

"You didn't tell me it was going to be segregated? I don't want to get stuck with Miss Marple and her cronies over there, I want someone who's gonna give me a rock on."

[Si Hunt]

Katona: 'I'm the British Britney Spears'

True in so many ways.

Si.

[Pip Madeley]

"I'd like to thank the Americans for their help in the War Against Terror, because if you hadn't funded the IRA for 30 years, we wouldn't know how to deal with terrorists, would we?"
-- The Pub Landlord

[Si Hunt]

"Ansell now has new management in the form of Jonathan Shalit, who also looks after Jamelia, Teatro and former Hear'Say member Myleene Klaas."

The future's bright...

Si.

[Simon R]

"Nothing can happen when you're with Shirl!".

[Si Hunt]

This is from Ian Levine's Wikipedia entry:

Unfortunately, Ian was removed from the DVD production group soon after delivery of this final magnificent opus, having requested that a senior member of the Doctor Who Restoration Team insert the seven quad tapes of Inferno (Doctor Who) into his rectum. This would have been a potentially life-threatening act, hence Levine was guilty of negligence.

Si.

[Antony Cox]

Not that I would know from experience, of course, but I should think Levine could have quite comfortably accommodated the rest of Season 7 without it threatening his life.

[chalkie]

5 million daleks , easy...one doctor? now you're scared!

[Si Hunt]

"What's the point in being like an adult if you can't be like a child when you feel like you want to?"

Si.

[Pip Madeley]

Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife!

[Larry]

"Your only supposed to blow the bloody doors off"


Michael Caine - The Italian Job

[Pip Madeley]

Crabtree: "You cannot pick your metercar outside this coffee."
Bertorelli: "Do not talk-a this way to me! Me, I am-a Captain Alberto Bertorelli, from conquering Italian army of Mussolini."
Crabtree: "Missaloony does not cut any ice around here, you must mauve along as quirkly as pissable."

[Dave Tudor]

"I've been sad and quite lonely recently because if you're young, living in London and working in this industry, unless you drink and take a lot of drugs, there's not much to do. I've been sitting on my own watching TV. It's boring to go out if everyone else is taking cocaine and shouting at me... When I was pregnant I stopped drinking and I didn't start again. Then when the baby was gone, I thought, 'That doesn't mean I'm going to go back to how I was."

Lily Allen this week- I do like her, you know.

[Pip Madeley]

"When do you do your living longer? At the end of your life! When you fall into bloody pieces! I mean, if exercise bought you two more years of actually being NINETEEN then fair enough, it'd be worth the effort wouldn't it. As it is, it buys you two more years of being NINETY. You think you're gonna get yourself eternal youth - you're not. You're just buying yourself two more years in a home, eating biscuits with no ****ing teeth. You know, reminiscing about your good times down the gym. Go down the pub, get yourself some proper memories."

The Pub Landlord challenges a doctor on the subject of exercise.

[Simon R]

My favourite guilty pleasures are "Don't Blame It On The Sunshine" and "Reach For The Stars"

[Simon R]

"Gwen? Nelly? Those P45s are waiting. Grandma's come to reclaim her crown"

[Rob McCow]

Louise Jameson - "I did enjoy it (Bergerac) but it didn't really stretch me as an actress."

[Dirk Gently]

She needs stretching, it'd be painful but necessary.

[Rob McCow]

Absolute classic on BBC Breakfast this morning. Declan's away, so there's a dappy woman doing the economic part of the show. Or was it the science-fiction part?

"Everyone is looking for the silver bullet that will stop the credit crunch Terminator."

Holy crap!

[Si Hunt]

Ronan: 'I didn't split up Boyzone'

Yes, you did.

Si.

[Si Hunt]

"I hate her clothes. I hate her manicured square French nails. I hate her orange legs. I hate the whole package."

Nice. But who's this author talking about?



Aw!

Si.

[Si Hunt]

Actress Susan Sarandon on Botox:

"Some people have surgery and look fine and some people don't look anything like they used to. I've thought about it a lot of times, but I hope by the time you're 30 you shift your focus from worrying about how you look to worrying about what kind of person you are.

Essentially you're going to lose the battle of what you look like. To keep fit I do weight training and cardio and I run. "

What a brilliantly simple but wise thing to say.

Si.

[Pip Madeley]

"You've shown me by burning your guitar what true value is. Decency. Self-sacrifice. Those are the things that make up real wealth, and from where I'm standing, I'm a pretty rich man."

[Rob McCow]

"Your guitar was made of camphor wood?"