HaRpi How To Cook! New Recipes Added 29/6!

[Si Hunt]

It's a TERMINUS special!



WELCOME BACK!

Once again HaRpi takes to its mighty kitchen in a long-running attempt to cook and eat (yes, EAT!) every hideous dish within the famous Doctor Who Cookbook by Gary Downie! The road is long, and strewn with turds.

First a note to say that you remember this cocoction, which gave us the trots on a previous misadventure:



Well, we actually approached Lovely Nicola regarding her delicious fruit punch thing (basically just red wine with a lime added) after drinking four bowls of it and getting stomach cramps. Nicola confirmed that she DID actually provide the recipe for this dish, and apologised for our illness! The next step, of course, is to make her drink some herself. But we'll see about that.

In the meantime, we have two more DELICIOUS recipe's to tackle. And for SARAH SUTTON'S LASAGNE and LIZA GODDARD'S STAR TARTS HaRpi enlisted the help of P-Bal, Dexter and Pip for the challenge! So let us delay no more, and commence the cooking!

SARAH SUTTON'S LASAGNE

Key Ingrediants: "Enough lasagne for four people". Cheers Sarah! No, actually it then says onion, beef, tomatoes, beef stock, cheese. No PASTA then Sarah?

KARI'S STAR TARTS

Key Ingrediants: flour, butter, lard (ho ho!), egg, mincemeat. It's just bloody MINCE PIES isn't it!



While P-Bal tries to work out the use of the tin-opener, a quick note about our ingrediants. We used dodgy Tesco Value Pasta to save money and butter instead of, not as well as, lard, thus scuppering Goddard's attempts to kill us all with cholestrol overload.



P-Bal begins by mixing up the flour and butter for his tarts. We decided to make the two dishes simultaneously so we were done before Doctor Who came on. Dexter helps in the only way he knows how in the background.



P-Bal is not afraid to use his fingers.



Meanwhile, Si cooks up the onions and beef in a big pan. The Spice Apron has been called into service to protect me from splashes!



The tomatoes are proudly shown to have cost 21p from the reduction shelf in Tesco. And why? Because the tin was dented! Doesn't affect what's inside does it?



Oh my God.... NEXT! Dexter still helping in his own way, there.



The pastry mixture is now fine and crumbly. Mr Rayner has added his contribution by sculpting a new slutty outfit for Rachel Stevens. Lost Doctor Who story we found in the attic watches on.



P-Bal masterfully sculpts the remaining pastry into a rude shape. Isn't he naughty?



Meanwhile, on the stove, the mince, onions and tomatos are looking somehow gross.



And P-Bal contemplates how to make stars out of pastry when we forgot to get a star-shaped cutter. In the meantime, he does the bases.



See, this is how it's done!



Across the way something amazing has happened. Regular watchers will observe that I am utterly incapable of making a sauce from scratch without it aquiring the texture of sick. But look, here it's working! It's the ghost of Sarah Sutton, looking down on us! Hurrah!



The meaty mixture is poured into a dish for the oven with layers of the pasta and cheese. It's actually looking quite nice isn't it? Meanwhile, P-Bal has put his Star Tarts in the oven and gone to watch TV.



Aghhhhh! She's now on the big screen! In colour! We arched our backs like dancers can!

Two hours later, someone remembers the Star Tarts in the oven. Instead of the required 24 minutes, they have had 120 minutes and are burnt to a crisp.



It surely is all in the presentation.



The lasagne emerges, looking almost like normal food. Mmmmm!

The Verdict!

The lasagne wasn't bad, compared to the recipe providers previous effort:



The one complaint was that the pasta tasted of cardboard, but that's what you get for buying Tesco Value Pasta and not forking out the extra 33p.

The Star Tarts were nice and crunchy, and a sterling effort. If only interest had been maintained enough to take them out the oven on time, they would have been perfect.

Join us next time for more fun! Alonzy!




Like "Bad Wolf", this message was everywhere. What could it mean?

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If you'd like to see this and dozens of other recipes from the Cookbook being made then do Check out our website!

But remember... don't get poisoned!

[Simon R]

Nasty in your tummy.

[Pip Madeley]

Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk

Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk Paul Monk

Paul Monk.

[Dirk Gently]

Very good Si & everyone else. That almost looks good enough to try.

[P-Bal]

Kari's star tarts were only damaged thanks to a cantankerous Zarbi not removing them from the oven in time, but still tasted nice!

I think based on the success with Sutton's lasagne, we should try Kipper Of Traken. Or was that Johnny Byrne's recipe?

[Pip Madeley]

Kari's star tarts were only damaged thanks to a cantankerous Zarbi not removing them from the oven in time

Don't be so mean on yourself, dear!

[Si Hunt]

Kari's star tarts were only damaged thanks to a cantankerous Zarbi not removing them from the oven in time

I must have missed the bit of the conversation where I was given that duty!

Si.

[P-Bal]

It must be your age dear!

[Si Hunt]

[P-Bal]

P-Bal, who was not known for his patience, said "I'm off to call the boy's agent!"

[Si Hunt]

I was also in that famous opera at Covent Garden.

By the way, thanks to Pip for the pictures - though mysteriously, none of the ones with him in were supplied!

Si.

[Jeff]

The tomatoes are proudly shown to have cost 21p from the reduction shelf in Tesco. And why? Because the tin was dented! Doesn't affect what's inside does it?

Miranda won't buy any dented tins becuase they said on the news that somehow it can make the food inside go off sometimes or something to that effect...

Just found this Yahoo answer which agrees, though one answer mentions that a light dent that is nowhere near the lids should be alright:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/in...3064645AAp6zIV

the seals of the cans can be breached from the dents and cause food poisoning to you wich can result in death. if air is let in bacteria will grow. very dangerous!

EDIT: To avoid botulism food poisoning do not consume foods from swollen or dented cans or lids, cracked jars, loose lids, clear liquids that turned milky, jars that spurt when opened, or home canned products that have not been processed according to the USDA guidelines. Never taste home canned meats and vegetables (other than pickles) until they have boiled hard for 15 to 20 minutes. The number of botulism food poisoning cases are not high, but the consequences are severe. It is not worth risking your life.

[shada pavlova]

Yeah. Or Else.

[Antony Cox]

T'other half has exactly the same same fobia about dented tins, so we never have them!

[Si Hunt]

Well I'm still here.

Si.

[Kaybee Bailey]

Well, most tins have a plastic lining in them these days, which is why they're white inside. If the dent is deep enough that the plastic is split and the metal can be seen through it, you're not supposed to use it. But a shallow dent that leaves the plastic intact should be fine.

[Si Hunt]

Surely you can tell when you look at the tin if there's a hole in it or not.

Si.

[P-Bal]

There's no harm in a little bang.

[Pip Madeley]

By the way, thanks to Pip for the pictures - though mysteriously, none of the ones with him in were supplied!

Si.

Yeah. Weird that innit.