Doctor Who: The Paradise Machine (EPISODE 2 ONLINE!)

[cyberchris35]

I have just listened to part 2 and all I can really say is fantastic work.
I thought part 1 was good but part 2 passed it. Everything just made me want to keep listening, the acting, the production and the story just made me feel great.
The only downside was the end of it I could have shouted out a very rude word but I didn't because I was in a library listening to it. Needles to say I cannot wait for the next part of the season later in the year.

[Alex]

I can't thank everyone enough for their kind words about my performance, and all I can do is thank Martin again for writing such a great role, and story too. And as I said in my response to the first part of the story, everyone else is also fantastic, and it's incredibly enjoyable to listen too in general.

[Dirk Gently]

It's an excellent play. Everyone is brilliant.
I felt that the first part had a Leisure Hive feel about it & I felt that part 2 had a Sun Makers feel about it, if you know what I mean; (not in a crap way).

Excellent production & music, brilliant out-takes & extras.

Best performance would be the Nimon. (Whoever that was).

[Pip Madeley]

Did everyone who bought the CD like the 'easter egg' we prepared?

[Dirk Gently]

The Nimon solo? Yeah, very good.

[WhiteCrow]

Well I'm listening to part one - the vocal performances are really good.

Si Hart was really entertaining as Professor Thrace - but I thought at first it was Professor Frakes (a nod to ST:TNG).

Martin Penny's Tor Garane reminds me a little of a slimy evil Albert Steptoe. When he laughs, it seals the deal.

Alex seems to revel playing megamanic - I suspect he has deep issues.

Ant and Kathy both put in good performances too - love Rob's mum.

[SiHart]

Thanks Mike. I enjoyed playing Thrace, even if I couldn't pronounce his name correctly.

Si xx

[WhiteCrow]

Just finished listening to it - it's been enjoyable.

I know this is more accident by design, but this is the second story in a row where there's a nasty controller/conman whose head of security is investigating him, and works with the Doctor against him. I'm personally disgusted as there used to be a time you could trust the hired help!

I also thought it could have done with a bit more of a clever twist with the whole "paradise machine as a trap".

When Nick was in the machine, and the Galactic computer was telling me his credit had run out, I thought, "ooh this is clever, it's a con, once they're inside the machine in bleeds their accounts". Hence why only some of the richest men in the Galaxy turn up. It was going to be some clever Star Trek analogy on the modern world and how we're scammed and made to pay for everything. Once someone has experienced paradise, they'll pay anything to stay there. Just like those adult channels which show you 10 free minutes, then you need your credit card for the good bits ... erm yes.

But that wasn't the trap, it was more of a death trap, which didn't seem quite as clever. To be honest it seems Leckard was getting some of the Galaxies richest people together and killing them, but there was a lack of motivation. There needed a line like Tor Garane was trying to eliminate his competition, or that because the victems of the Paradise Machine all essentially killed themselves by going through the hatch, their accounts would be siezed by the banks under galactic law.

Anyway - I know what I've said are a few negative points, but they're meant constructively. It was a really good audio production and story, they're meant as ways I think it could have been improved, raise the bar a little bit.

Oh and of course the Baron, such a really small part, was so very well done. In Pip's lines he kind of summed up the kind of egotistical, self-centred people who would pay for something like this.

[WhiteCrow]

Thanks Mike. I enjoyed playing Thrace, even if I couldn't pronounce his name correctly.

You do a very good scatty and highly strung - how do you get into character?

I think someone should write a story where Leckard & Zunestra meet up & form a bad guy partnership.

I really enjoyed meeting Alex, and it's a shame we weren't in the same story. In true theatre style, I told him to "break a leg".

The problem with Leckard and Zunestra - they're both boss types. They have no qualms about killing people, but really they don't like to get their hands dirty, prefering to tell someone else to kill the Doctor for them. I think Leckard is more the psychopath of the two.

Byron Zunestra is just a very misunderstood legitimate buisnessman who has been vilified by the competition, as I've said many a time.

[Rob McCow]

Byron Zunestra is just a very misunderstood legitimate buisnessman who has been vilified by the competition, as I've said many a time.

Yeah - but only from behind laser bars!

I quite liked the Paradise Machine script, but listening to it as a finished play it's really come together. As with most of these plays, when I read them through I generally only read Rob's lines, so I tend to miss a few key plot points. Especially considering that this was Martin's first script writing effort, it was rather superb in the end. Often it's hard enough putting together a coherent story that runs logically from A to B! Paradise Machine is a succesful plot-led story.

[Si Hunt]

this is the second story in a row where there's a nasty controller/conman whose head of security is investigating him, and works with the Doctor against him.

To me that's quite a tenuous link, as these aspects don't have as much significance in either story. Mick Ridgeway isn't so much "investigating" Zunestra as full-out setting a honey trap for him, and he arguably doesn't work with with the Doctor in the same way Mills does in "Paradise" (do they even meet?).

But that wasn't the trap, it was more of a death trap, which didn't seem quite as clever.

I have to disagree with you there Mike - I thought the whole idea of the machine conning you that you'd escaped from the machine when really you're still inside it (which Martin and I developed together) was quite clever, and ultimately more crafty than it just draining money, which would have been a bit dull.

As far as similarities go, at the end of the day the scripts are rarely developed together so it's pure coincidence. Martin and Si had no communication at all while developing ideas, unfortunately it's sod's law that these things tend to overlap, just like Big Finish releasing a "Heist!" story immediately before ours. There are stories we're working on for next year which share themes, totally coincidentally, but I'm not going to tell someone to change their story for the sake of it, as ultimately each persons script is going to be characterised with their own style and touches, so who cares if there are a couple of ideas that crop up in both adventures?

Si.

[Dirk Gently]

When Nick was in the machine, and the Galactic computer was telling me his credit had run out, I thought, "ooh this is clever, it's a con, once they're inside the machine in bleeds their accounts". Hence why only some of the richest men in the Galaxy turn up.

I thought that was exactly what happened, seeing as it was a bank funding the whole thing? Maybe it needed spelling out more?

[WhiteCrow]

Martin and Si had no communication at all while developing ideas, unfortunately it's sod's law that these things tend to overlap

Hence why I said it was by accident and not design.

And I do think it needed a bit of a Leckard "wa ha ha - this is my grand plan - wa ha ha" monologue.

[Si Hunt]

Well perhaps Martin can build some of your suggestions for improvement into his next script.

Si.

[WhiteCrow]

I thought that was exactly what happened, seeing as it was a bank funding the whole thing? Maybe it needed spelling out more?

Well perhaps Martin can build some of your suggestions for improvement into his next script.

Si.

I think it's kind of like Dirk said. I liked the story, and please don't think otherwise.

But we're talking about it possibly needing another couple of lines of explanation in somewhere. That's not a sign of a failed story - a failed one would need restructuring and rethinking on a major level.

I think the problem isn't really anything to do with Martin, or anyone in particular. It's a fact in writing, you have and idea, you write it down. You re-read it and you re-read it as you intended.

You pass it to someone else and they think "huh?".

One problem with recordings does seem to be people not reading the script fully before hand and going "wait a minute - why does ..." - fresh eyes always help.

But even major films or TV shows have to do test screenings, and collect results of people at the end who might go "I don't understand why that happened", so they have to go and insert an extra scene or line of dialogue.

Obviously theres a limit to what can be achieved. But in standard storytelling there's usually a final 3 minutes "team huddle" either back near the TARDIS or on the bridge of the Enterprise. To debrief the thicky companion (who represents the everyman - ie you and me) what the diabolical scheme was and why they were able to stop it in the end.

[Martin Penny]

Thankyou for the feedback Mike. Tis appreciated.
I hadn't thought of Garane as a slimy Albert Steptoe before!

I think you make a good point about needing a bit more behind the death trap aspect of the machine, and, as you say, a line about eliminating Garane's competition seems like a good idea in hindsight. The idea was, really, that the machine cost so much to use, that the rich would be forced to make a payment of all of their money just to continue using.

I think there are some things which are a bit clearer, and expanded upon, in the four part version of the story.

[WhiteCrow]

Thankyou for the feedback Mike. Tis appreciated.
I hadn't thought of Garane as a slimy Albert Steptoe before!

I think you and Alex would do a wonderful Planet Skaro "Steptoe and Son". I quite like that as a future story "What if ... the first Doctor had been Wilfred Bramnell". Well for a start the series would be 40 years old, and the TARDIS wouldn't have left the junk yard yet.

I think you make a good point about needing a bit more behind the death trap aspect of the machine, and, as you say, a line about eliminating Garane's competition seems like a good idea in hindsight. The idea was, really, that the machine cost so much to use, that the rich would be forced to make a payment of all of their money just to continue using.

Yes again, it could have done with something like a "and now enter your bank details before entering the machine". But we only see Rob and Leckard enter the machines.

I think there are some things which are a bit clearer, and expanded upon, in the four part version of the story.

I have to say in general this batch of stories have worked much better for being 2 parters. And could perhaps have been the problem. When you cut down from a longer story, some of the extra explaination can get left in the cutting room floor, and it's easy to assume because you once read an explanation for something in the 4-part version, it's still in the 2-part version.

I know it's a cliche, but the old villain monologue is an important part of storytelling, because simply it puts everything together.

And of course the dialogue says that the Paradise Machine makes a copy of the users neural net when he enters it - which means a copy of Leckard can make an unwelcome return in the future, possessing some kind of machine.

[Paul Monk]

Glad Martin's taken your criticisms on board, Mike, as they were all valid points. We're not professionals as you know and we all need a bit of help and encouragement and to turn the criticism round a little bit I feel perhaps, that whilst you've said some wonderful things about the plays, you've laboured a bit too much on the negative points, which can be very disheartening to us amateurs. By all means suggest ways stories can be improved. Its how we get better and grow after all but it'd be nice if these suggestions could be worded in a positive way so that we don't all feel like giving up. Remember these are free audios made for fun with a little bit of fund raising thrown in for good measure.
Time to take note and move on I think

[WhiteCrow]

I feel perhaps, that whilst you've said some wonderful things about the plays, you've laboured a bit too much on the negative points

Strewth - it's like when the wife asks why I'm late in. The more I explain why, the more trouble I seem to get into ...

And honestly that's not alcohol you can smell on by breath.

[Paul Monk]

So its Mrs. Talks who wears the trousers in the Talks household then!

[WhiteCrow]

So its Mrs. Talks who wears the trousers in the Talks household then!

Absolutely - and last weekend she went and stole a pair of shorts too!

[Paul Monk]

[Jon Masters]

Finally got chance to download and listen to Part 2 this morning, and a big to everyone involved, especially Alex and Ant who did nice things with what could have been very cliched sci-fi roles.
Disappointed to hear Tor Garane walking like a normal person (after the Usurian picture in my head) but pleased that Nick's fantasy led in exactly the direction I expected

But , oh, that Ed sounds like a right goodie two shoes - might have to do something about that reputation....

[Si Hunt]

Disappointed to hear Tor Garane walking like a normal person

The person you heard walking was the muscular slave carrying his incubation platform. The slave was a non-speaking extra to cut costs.

Si.

[Jon Masters]

The person you heard walking was the muscular slave carrying his incubation platform. The slave was a non-speaking extra to cut costs.

Si.

Thanks Si. I shall spend the day annoying Andrew Pixley to get him to find out who played such a pivotal role.