Doctor Who Christmas Carols

[Antony Cox]

Thought it was about time I wheeled this thread out again!

Some silly Who-related Christmas Carols for you to enjoy or ridicule depending on your point of view.

Disclaimer: Please note that this thread is intended to be a bit of harmless fun and no blasphemy or derogation towards any religion is intended!

Deck the corridors with pics of Billie,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.
Some may prefer ones of Billy,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.

Don we now our gay agenda,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.
From a Welsh Dorothy-friender,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.

See the blazing Priory before us,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.
Watch the wobbly Brontosaurus.
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.

Follow me to the Hive of Leisure,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.
With the long scarf I do measure,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.

Giant rats in Londons sewers,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.
Hail the New Season gets viewers ,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.

Sing we fanboys, all together,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.
Dont give up on Who, not ever,
Tar la la la la, la la la dis.

I'll post some more over the coming days, but feel free to submit your own!

[Rob McCow]

(Oh dear, here we go!)
I don't know about whole carols, but here's some song titles.

Kate Bush and William Hartnell - December Will Be Magic, er Mavic Chen.

The Monoids - Deck The Halls With Boughs of Holy And Prepare for The Main Landings.

The Brigadier - Stop The Cavalry, Sergeant Benton!

Davison and The Castrovalvans - Away In A Zero Cabinet (No Crib for a Bed).

Grandad and Ian Levine - All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth, but They've Been Missing For 30 Years and It's Completely Unreasonable To Expect Them To Turn Up.

[Carol Baynes]

Do I count?

[Captain Tancredi]

Do I count?

Put it this way- if there's one cracker I'd like to pull this Christmas...

[Rob McCow]

Elf Queens don't celebrate Christmas!

[Antony Cox]

Do I count?

I was wondering how long it would take you...

[Antony Cox]

Here's the next load of Christmas tosh......

While shepherds watched
The Box by night
All seated behind the sofa
The face of the Timelord came on
And they thought This one will go far
And they thought This one will go far

"Fear not," he said,
His old/young face
Had spoken there and then
"Five years Ill give before I go
Its teeth and curls from then
Its teeth and curls from then

"To you in your home
Town this day
Is born a gadget freak
The best is yet to come my friends
Tune in again next week"
Tune in again next week"

"The heavenly Blue
Crystal Ill find
To humans it can make
Your mind go crazy in a flash
Dont look for goodness sake!
Dont look for goodness sake!"

Thus spake the Third
Doctor, and Liz
Will help him on his way
Jo Grant, the Brig and Sarah Jane
Will make his hair go grey
Will make his hair go grey

And so the Doctor
Finds his match
A spider with a sting
She says Youre better off to be
A Scarecrow-in-waiting,
A Scarecrow-in-waiting.

[SiHart]

How about the Twelve Episodes of the Daleks Masterplan?

Twelve Delegates delegating
Eleven Hartnell Fluffs
Ten Invisible Visians
Nine Bald Technics
Eight Extras in Egypt
Seven Feasts of Steven!
Six Episodes with Sara
Five Dalek Casings!
Four Episodes with Courtney
Three trips to Kendall... Kemble
Two Companion Deaths
and
A Full M of Taranium

Si xxx

[Antony Cox]

Eleven Hartnell Fluffs

Is that all.....?

[Dave Lewis]

We ex-fans of RTD,
squirting buckets of white fan wee,
Who is no good, nor is Torchwood,
Feet through our TV.

O Russell, Russell, please don't write,
More of that old soapy sh*te,
gay agenda, it's Eastenders
Trust in fandom's leading light.

Cut his teeth on Century Falls,
But that was just a load of balls,
Was Dark Season any reason,
To trust this man at all?

O Russell, Russell, please don't write,
More of that old soapy sh*te,
gay agenda, it's Eastenders
Trust in fandom's leading light.

Replacement for Russell, I have seen
Shoe lodged in a TV screen,
big boned (not fat), produced Take That,
Worship Him, 'tis Ian Levine,

O Russell, Russell, balls to you
Good riddance to the Cardiff crew
TARDIS slimmer, stories grimmer
Levine's the man for Doctor Who.

But sad times our Ian brought
Put the Doc in vest and shorts
Closed down OG, sacked the RT,
Ratings down to less than nought.

O Russell, Russell, please come back,
This new Who's a load of cack,
The gay agenda we fondly remember
Please get Ian Levine the sack.

We're fans of RTD once more,
Levine's tenure we abhored
Your Who is magic, never tragic,
Just please give us season four.

[Antony Cox]

Well I see I've been totally outclassed here!

[Rob McCow]

"While You Were Enjoying 48 Hours D-Sleep On The Delta Wave Augmentor, I Was Dreaming Of A White Christmas"
by Crosby of Traken

[Pip Madeley]

I'm no good with carols, but how about Last Christmas by Harriet Jones?

[Antony Cox]

K9 the Grey-Nosed dog, dear
Had a very zappy nose
And if you ever saw him
You would even say How slow!

All of the other actors
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor K9
Join in any stand-up games

Then one 1980s eve
JN-T came to say
"K9, with your movements so ****e,
Wont you leave my show tonight?"

But Sarah-Jane took pity
Giving him a home for free
K9 the Grey-Nosed dog, dear
You'll go Wow! at his story!

[SiHart]

@ Ant! Woooo!

Si xx

[Andrew Curnow]

"K9, with your movements so ****e,
Wont you leave my show tonight?"

[Antony Cox]

Frosty the Ice Warrior
Was a jolly hissy soul
With a sonic gun and a pair of clamps
And two eyes made out of foil

Frosty the Ice Warrior
Is very tall they say
He was also slow but the 60s kids
Know he came to life one day

There must have been some magic
In that old ice block they found
For when they placed a hot plate on it
It began to melt around

Frosty the Ice Warrior
Was alive as he could be
The base staff say
He could kill and maim
Just the same as you and me

Frosty the Ice Warrior
Knew the sun was hot that day
So he hissed Let's run
And we'll have some fun
Now before I melt away

Down to the space ship
With Victoria in his hand
Running here and there very slowly, yeah
Hissing Stop me if you can

He led her down to the caves of ice
And he gave a grateful hiss
As he realised it was quiet and
She stopped screaming, it was bliss

Frosty the Ice Warrior
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved his gun
At the Mirrorlon
Everything went wobbly, yay!

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Over the hills very slow

[Antony Cox]

Anyone who's mistakenly strayed onto this thread will be pleased to know that this will be my last offering for this year, as my creative juices have been exhausted....

Dashing through the snow
To Lime Grove for today
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bills on real good form
Getting his lines right
What fun it is to laugh and sing
At Ray Cusick tonight

Oh, Tangle Bills, Tangle Bills
Tangle his hair grey
Oh, what fun it is to hide
In a blue TARDIS all day
Tangle Bills, Tangle Bills
Tangle his hair grey
Oh, what fun it is to hide
In a blue TARDIS all day

A day or two ago
I thought I'd play a trick
And Jackie played along
But Bill had phoned in sick
So we switched to Carole-Ann
And joked on her instead
But Verity found out
And then she got upset

Oh, Tangle Bills, Tangle Bills
Tangle his hair grey
Oh, what fun it is to hide
In a blue TARDIS all day
Tangle Bills, Tangle Bills
Tangle his hair grey
Oh, what fun it is to hide
In a blue TARDIS all day

As for me Im Chesterton
But only on the set
Otherwise Im called Bill too
What a mix-up we do get
But what of Hartnells wig?
Its slick and smooth and grey
He gets flustered in the studio
When I hide it every day

Oh, Tangle Bills, Tangle Bills
Tangle his hair grey
Oh, what fun it is to hide
In a blue TARDIS all day
Tangle Bills, Tangle Bills
Tangle his hair grey
Oh, what fun it is to hide
In a blue TARDIS all day

[SiHart]

You've been on very good form this year Ant!

Si xx

[Rob McCow]

Ooooooooooooooooo

The horror!

[Antony Cox]

You've been on very good form this year Ant!

Si xx

Thanks!

That's what comes from being bored at work.....