Hallelujah! It's Simon Cowell's Christmas Number One Thread!

[Milky Tears]

Looks like it'll be some random bird off a North London street murdering a decent tune. Haven't we been here before?

Interesting subject matter for a festive chart topper this year. At least Cohen could/should make a million from it.

Any point considering this year's other contenders? Or has Cowell destroyed everything?


The "experts" seem to think that Take That, Peter Kay and Leona Lewis all have a chance.

Wot, no Terry Wogan & Aled Jones (sublime from 1:46 onwards!) or The Mighty Quo?


Quo's Christmas effort pisses all over The Darkness!


What about James Morrison & Nelly Furtado's 'Broken Banjo String'. What about Carey or The Pogues/Kirsty MacColl?

I think The One Show team also have a single out.

[Carol Baynes]

I was wondering last night how many people actually know it's a Leonard Cohen song? At least the great man will get some royalties, but it'd be even better if it introduced a few people to his back catalogue. I suspect for some people "Hallelujah" more associated with Jeff Buckley, as his cover was quite popular in the mid '90s, from his album "Grace".

Can't say I was blown away by that Alexander's version, but she's a good singer, I'll give her that!

[Captain Tancredi]

I was wondering last night how many people actually know it's a Leonard Cohen song?

Brilliant! Thanks, Carol- I'll have to tell Mum that because none of us knew where the song "came from" last night.

[Si Hunt]

The "experts" seem to think that Take That, Peter Kay and Leona Lewis all have a chance.

There's always someone who "tips" a record that's been and gone long before Christmas. Don't they know anything about how the charts work? Why on Earth would Take That's non-Christmassy late November single suddenly go back to Number 1?!?! And I don't see why "Fairytale" would get to Number One when it didn't last year.

Alexandra is a worthy winner - she has a fine voice, and thank goodness that whispy-voiced gang of gnomes didn't triumph. The only problem is that we already have a deep-voiced black twenty-something X-Factor winner releasing records and she's one of the most popular acts in the country right now, so there's no gap in the market.

Si.

[Simon R]

Aston from JLS went to the same school as me and that was the school he visited on the show last night.

It's a story to wow generations with.

[P-Bal]

The only problem is that we already have a deep-voiced black twenty-something X-Factor winner releasing records and she's one of the most popular acts in the country right now, so there's no gap in the market.

I'd disagree. Leona tried doing uptempo with Forgive Me, looked silly trying to dance and be sexy, so they rushed out a big ballad just a couple of weeks later. You can almost smell her trapped in the world of ballad. Alexandra however, can shake what her mama gave her and do uptempo and sexy with conviction!

[Pip Madeley]

Alexandra's one of those ten-a-penny singers, unlike Leona Lewis who really has something special & has already found popularity and fame in America.

[P-Bal]

Ten-a-penny?! She knocked every track way out of the park in the final. Leona has indeed found fame and popularity in America, admittedly through her own talent, but also in no small way thanks to the combined forces of Simon Cowell and Clive Davis promoting her over there. She's had major backing to crack the States. I think, if anything, Alex has a voice equal to Leona, not least evidenced by the electric duet with Beyonce.

[Milky Tears]

All X-Factor winners are ten-a-penny pub singers.

Sir Terry and Aled are at #3!

[WhiteCrow]

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/c...-200812151459/

BRITAIN CHOOSES NEWEST RETAIL PARK OPENER

ALEXANDRA Burke will this morning begin a glamorous new life of cover versions, Heat magazine stories about her fat eyelids and being offered ?250 to open the Macclesfield Glen retail and leisure park.

Burke, described as Britain's answer to a semi-professional Whitney Houston impersonator, defeated Whatsisname and Youknowtheoneimean in the grand final of Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Shit Factor.

Now agents, magazine editors and property developers are clamouring for her signature as she embarks on a glittering showbiz career expected to last about seven and a half weeks.

Her first single, destined to be the Christmas number one in both Britain and Azerbaijan, will be a cover version of Leonard Cohen's That Song They Play When Someone Dies in a Television Programme.

Burke, described by Cherly Cole as an 'angel-voiced angel with the voice of an angel', has already signed a multi-hundred pound deal to perform the official closing ceremony at more than 200 branches of Woolworths, as long as they throw in a tortilla wrap and a raspberry smoothie.

Last night her defeated opponents, boy band JSL, were being broken up and used for soup, while Egoggegan the Bouncing Leprechaun has been signed-up by impresario Louis Walsh who will parade him around Ireland in a cage.

Walsh has built a multi-million pound fortune touring the rural fairgrounds of the Emerald Isle with legendary acts such as Upside Down O'Reilly, the Flying Flannagans and Westlife, the gay babies of Boyzone and Take That.

[Si Hunt]

It's got nothing to do with Ant and Dec (??)

Alexandra's one of those ten-a-penny singers, unlike Leona Lewis who really has something special & has already found popularity and fame in America.

She sounds as strong a singer as Leona to me. You can't really use Leona's fame and success to cast Alexandra in a bad light (as you seem to be implying) as Alexandra only won her record deal yesterday and has yet to release a note!

Si.

[Antony Cox]

Leona is an absolutely flawless and faultless singer, but she doesn't really have much of a personality. Alexandra, however, doesn't have a perfect singing voice (though she's still a great singer) but she's far more gutsy as a person.

I can see her doing as well or even better that Leona, apart from the aforementioned 'gap in the market' problem.

Yes, it's the 'Ant Cox posting in pop music thread' shocker!

[WhiteCrow]

It's got nothing to do with Ant and Dec (??)

Sorry - the Daily Mash is a satirical newspaper.

I'd hoped ...

Last night her defeated opponents, boy band JSL, were being broken up and used for soup, while Egoggegan the Bouncing Leprechaun has been signed-up by impresario Louis Walsh who will parade him around Ireland in a cage.

... would give this away!

[Dave Lewis]

Simon Cowell is now officially more famous than God.

[Milky Tears]

He certainly has better breasts than God!

[Si Hunt]

One thing Saturday's show did emphasise, which perhaps was unfortunate as it cast the contestants inexperience into light, was what an amazing performer Beyonce is. "If I Were A Boy" was just superb, from the strong vocals to the strutting about the stage and just the sheer power and presence. She's just brilliant.

Also I'd like to say that I really dislike the single choice. I just can't take to the song, it's got no oomph.

Si.

[Dave Lewis]

Beyonce was quite good, actually - and pretty non-Diva-esque in the face of Alexandra's weeping (I wonder what she was like in rehearsal?). The real shame was that ITV took a "Fantasy Football" approach to the special guests; once they'd used up all their money to buy their genuine superstar striker they only had enough cash left for some tired, cheap old donkeys to stick in defence.

[Si Hunt]

I agree, Boyzone were quite lucky to be allowed on to plug their flailing single. I suspect had Uncle Louie not been a regular at Castle Keating every New Year, they would have been politely sniggered at and then escorted off the premises.

Si.

[Dave Lewis]

I think the true test would have been dragging Shane MacGowan on and asking Alexandra to do the Kirsty part on "Fairytale of New York". I think she would have wept even more uncontrollably as Shane pissed himself and sang "ItttwasshhChrissstmasssevebaaaaabefeckinyaaaaaaab azztadddzinnthefeckindrunnnnnnktaaaaaank" as he did when he joined Kirsty onstage at the (hey!) Alexandra Palace in 1992.* If the Burke could handle that then she truly would be on her way to fame and fortune.



* I can't remember what he did, actually - only that he was absolutely shitfaced and slobbered the words rather than singing them.

[Si Hunt]

Well it can't be worse than when his Mum had a crack at it

Si.

[Dave Lewis]

[P-Bal]

Stop the song!

I agree, Boyzone were quite lucky to be allowed on to plug their flailing single.

How was singing 'Picture Of You' a plug for 'Better'?!

Plugging the Greatest Hits DVD/CD, maybe, but then their reunion is going along quite nicely!

[WhiteCrow]

Well it can't be worse than when his Mum had a crack at it

Si.

F*** me they're murderin' a classic there!!!

[Dave Lewis]

Like almost all Christmas songs, it was already flogged to death a long time ago by seasonal over-exposure. Still, it keeps MacGowan in dental health.

[Si Hunt]

How was singing 'Picture Of You' a plug for 'Better'?!

Well I don't know, I got bored and went upstairs at that point. Life is too short to watch old men grandaddy-dancing round the stage!

Si.