Eurovision 2009

[Si Hunt]

Did anyone see this?

After initially feeling hopeful, I'm very dissapointed. For some reason the licence payers flew Lloyd Weber and Graham Norton to Russia for a pointless chat with some passers by (!) before the selection process began. Then, as they began to audition a stream of theatre singers, you suddenly realised that actually this is NO DIFFERENT REALLY to the selection process we usually use. Except they seem to be prepping almost exclusively musical and stage singers, which isn't that Eurovisionny.

The most telling moment was when they asked some Russians for advice on how we should win. "Don't send your usual amateurs, take it seriously" they advised... and then it sunk in that the whole point of this show was to choose a (near) amateur. Really what they were saying was "send your best pop act, like we do" so we should be sending Girls Aloud or Leona. But we arn't.

Anyone else see it?

Si.

[Pip Madeley]

I watched the first twenty or so minutes. My thoughts were thus:

• Andrew Lloyd Webber is frightening.
• The people sending in home videos were frightening.
• The Russian song wasn't bad - I didn't watch it last year, but I can see why Andy Abrahamamamamas didn't win.
• Who the **** was that record executive bloke? And why did they try and make the graphics look like the X-Factor? He's no Simon Cowell!
• We're screwed.

[WhiteCrow]

Andrew Lloyd Webber always seems a bit creepy when they throw a female act his way. "She's not too great a singer, but very pretty we thinks" says a Gollum-Webber.

I was really underimpressed. The only act I thought had promise was the group my wife called "The Five Tops". They would be really different to send through. But it won't be them, it'll be the standard girl singer, who'll head straight from here to obscurity.

And Lloyd Webber came over as a pratt. He was condescending about the Finnish act who won the other year, and indeed the Ukrainian winner too. As Si so rightly points out both Lordi and Ruslana were really established acts. That has to help.

Even the winner last year was an established act as I remember.

[duncan]

I saw this and can only come to one conclusion.

The entire series will be a waste of money as no one will vote for us again this year no matter who we send. It's laughable to take the advice of Eastern Europeans to take it seriously when that chap with the angel wings came eighth purely be screeching down the microphone.

[Si Hunt]

It's laughable to take the advice of Eastern Europeans to take it seriously when that chap with the angel wings came eighth purely be screeching down the microphone.

But he didn't win did he, unlike the act for the Country they were talking to!

Si.

[duncan]

But he came eighth and we came last! We WERE taking it seriously by sending a half decent act that could actually sing.

[Si Hunt]

We WERE taking it seriously by sending a half decent act that could actually sing.

Who was that? Did they get replaced at the last minute by the bendy-kneed old man singing the chorus-free song?

Si.

[Llordllama]

I'm a huge Eurovision fan, but just couldn't bring myself to watch it as i feared...well from what you guys describe it was essentially exactly what I feared. My fellow Eurovision fans were nagging me to get tickets to go see these "heats". Honestly, not in a million years.

[WhiteCrow]

The only thing is I'm now hoping this flops just to put a dent into Lloyd Webber. He's just so damn creepy. It's like Sarah Brightman lost her heart to a starship trooper, but married an alien.

[duncan]

Who was that? Did they get replaced at the last minute by the bendy-kneed old man singing the chorus-free song?

Si.

\you really don't get my point do you?

[Si Hunt]

I really do. You are always going to get freak novelty acts that do reasonably well. The winner last year, however, was not a novelty but genuinely Russia's biggest pop star. It's a really important event to them over there - they love it. The finals are like a national holiday and they entered their genuinely most talented and popular music act in order to win it. Therefore I think it's valid to take heed from their advice and do the same, and I don't think you can discount this advice on the basis that another act, which happened to be a rather crap novelty entry, did reasonably well and came 8th.

In other words, just because a gimick gets enough votes to come in the Top 10, that doesn't invalidate the whole competition and diminish the acheivement of the act that entered a serious song and won.

Si.

[Simon R]

There's still some hope that the song might be good. I assume we won't get to vote on which song we send though as Dame Andrew Lloyd is only writing one song.

I still think with a really good song even Scooch and Andy could have done better. It's the presentation and the song which has let us down more than the singers.

[Si Hunt]

I'm bloody sick of the corruption in these TV talent shows. Never mind Alexandra turning out to be the daughter of a music business exec, or that other girl being the Producers girlfriend...

Viewers of "Your Country Needs You" might have found it odd that after 50 minutes of careful auditions, workshops and try-outs to get the final six, a voiceover suddenly came on and mysteriously said that one of the six offered it "declined the invitation" before adding that "At the last minute, the judges discovered a new girl" and revealing that she was swiftly in the final six. What?! WHAT?!

Turns out she's a member of a girlband signed to Sony BMG, the record company behind the show.

Si.

[WhiteCrow]

Sounds like another 12 week long BBC advert for Lloyd-Webber and Sony then. Thanks for that info Si.

It is kind of depressing isn't it. These things are often set up as "open to the public, anyone can win", but if you've got the right family it really seems to help your chances.

Is this like how Connie Fisher won "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria" and just happened to have a CD album ready to come out. She was good though, and the rightful winner, but all the same you can't help feel a bit cynical about it all.

[Si Hunt]

This continues to be terrible and I barely looked up while it was on tonight.

The fact that it's a fix bothers me immensly while watching. If they'd been open and said "The judges have been alerted to a talented singer in a girl group owned by the record company and think she deserves a chance" then fine. Nothing wrong with that. But we got clips from an audition, presumably actually faked, as she wouldn't have needed one if she was already signed - at best it was there to misleading us to thinking she'd been hauled off the streets. I'm also perhaps irrationally suspicious that she was on last tonight, maybe so she is fresh in peoples minds when the phone lines open?

This week we learned that after the public line the Beebs pockets by voting, the bottom two then go up for ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER to choose who is evicted! So actually, everyone pays to vote, and then the makers STILL control who goes through! Why isn't this in the papers as a scandal?! Perhaps because a lie is less obvious the bigger it is, and this show is a massive lie. This is the same principle that saw Andy Abrahams go through last year when the public voted him last but Terry Wogan selected him to win anyway as part of a swizzle "last chance" selection. Abrahams soon had further experience of coming last in the actual contest.

What worries me most of all is that with Lloyd Webber writing and Diane Warren doing the lyrics, we're undoubtedly going to produce some kind of good song, but will it be a Eurovision song? Arguably to suit the mood of Eurovision they'd have been better off getting Gary Barlow in.

Somehow all these good intentions and "we're taking it seriously this year" spiel is heading towards a total unknown singing a new song that's probably going to end up sounding like nothing else in the contest... the same as last year, then.

Si.

[WhiteCrow]

UK nul point ...

Any fool knows the only song we ever had a chance with in Eurovision was Pigeons In Flight.

[Pip Madeley]

UK nul point ...

Any fool knows the only song we ever had a chance with in Eurovision was Pigeons In Flight.

Europigeon is on DVD, you know (from Mr Fellows' website)

[Si Hunt]

To be fair, this is gradually turning into a half-decent entertainment show. The songs are quite well chosen, and they have some good guests every week. Norton does look old now though!

I've stopped watching but to be fair this is more because after three weeks of Celebrity Big Brother I can't bear to hear another person say "Calls will cost 35p off-peak from BT lines, more on other networks and mobiles are considerably more". I've got that mantra in my dreams!

And it still feels like a big vehicle for getting Jade into Eurovision. She will win. Mark my words.

Si.

[Simon R]

I'm less confident Jade will win now as she was joint last in the voting last night and but for ALW saving her ass she'd have been gone the way of all flesh. I have a feeling the British public will go for those hopeless twins and there sympathetic crying.

[Si Hunt]

And it still feels like a big vehicle for getting Jade into Eurovision. She will win. Mark my words.

She won, what a surprise.

It was probably not as contrived as I imagined, though I got paranoid wondering if her being the first song on, and then the last song on before the phone lines opened, and then the first number given on the list of those to vote for, was deliberate. At one stage when asked to sum up the three contestants Lulu said "You were all wonderful, the songs were great, Jade made that song her own, you're all fantastic."

She was, however, the best performer there by a mile (Jade, not Lulu) and so the BBC's corruption is probably our gain. But then Lloyd Webber unveiled his song, and oh my God he's pulled a stinker out the hat. Bad luck everyone. Big ballad, overly repetitive, not much of a hook.

It's become obvious now where we are going wrong. It's a SONG contest. Yet we held the competition to decide the performer, and got one bloke to write the song which consequently will go into bat for us having neither beaten nor been voted ahead of any others. Okay, it's one of our greatest songwriters, but Webber's finest songs are the cream of a 30 year career. There's obviously been a lot of duds in that time too, and here we're relying on whatever he can come with first time and banking on it being one of his best, which frankly is unlikely.

What we should have done was picked Jade to start with, then got Webber to write six songs and held the vote to decide which of THEM should go through. Yes, like we did with Sonia when we came second.

It could be worse. The song is at least catchier than the Tortoise-man's effort and at least we have an attractive, big-voiced woman up there in a sparkly dress. But last years winner performed last years winning song on Saturday and it sounded special. Epic, melodic and he performed his heart out. Frankly, our song doesn't come close. And why should it? It's not beaten anything else or been voted for as a winner - we've all been far too busy choosing the person to sing it.

Oops.

Si.

[P-Bal]

The intense fear of the United Kingdom sending the twins held me with fear all day.

I've sort of come round on the song. When Mark sang is there was a little feeling of wanting to turn off after 60 seconds. When he came third you can't gelp but ALW daying "I don't understand it!" to him was more a dig at The Twins than Jade winning.

But anyhow, the song is as you'd expect and I think with a bit of training to really nail the big notes she'll do us proud, and it's definately got the ALW stamp on it. Good times.

Although I can't help thinking Jade and Mark duetting might have been the best result.

[Simon R]

The song is pleasant but I've heard it 4 times at least and I can't remember how it goes which doesn't bode well for how it'll go down with the masses of Europe most of whom will here it once on the night and once alone. Then again the winner from 2007 was even less memorable than this.

Ironically Mark was probabably the most suited to such a "musical" song. Jade is good though and I'm so glad the twins didn't get it.

[Simon R]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA19fcNxccA&fmt=18

The studio version has emerged.

[P-Bal]

My rose garden has never been better watered.

[Pip Madeley]

Well I'll definitely be watching the German entry this year:

Dita Von Teese will perform at the Eurovison while German pop duo Alex Swings Oscar Sings perform their song Miss Kiss Kiss Bang