Rose - Recreated!

[Rob McCow]

We're in space, zoooming down to Earth, through the clouds, into London and...

Into bed with Rose Tyler!

Her alarm is going off, she's all smelly after a bad night's sleep and she hasn't washed. Yuk!

[SiHart]

"Bye!"

*Mwah*

"See you later!"

Montage of boring day, intersting lunch, folding jumpers badly.

Si xx

[Si Hunt]

and we're in a fake shop having a boring day!

Soon time to do what we all do at the end of each day and... Deliver the Lottery syndicate money to a creepy basement.

Si. :mobile

[Martin Curnow]

Where Graham Norton is hiding amongst a bunch of noisy plastic dummies.

[Pip Madeley]

"Is this you Derek?"

Derek's well known for pulling shit like this. Oh well, all Rose can do is back towards the wall...

[Andrew Curnow]

Also there is that bloke off Friends in the North. No, not him the other one, chap with the big ears, fancies himself. Anyway--

[Pip Madeley]

"RUN FOR YER LIFE!"

Cue crap running sequence with Autons behind bars dancing like the Nolans. Ooh look - the lift!

[Andrew Curnow]

Now you might as well get used to that lift, because every episode of Doctor Who from now on (and Torchwood (and by golly I'm sure it was in Spooks last week as well)) will have that same lift. It's got more air miles than the Doctor, and is a longer-running regular than Rose.

So up, up and away it goes, escaping those pesky students!!

[Pip Madeley]

"Right, nice to meet you and all, but I've got to blow up your workplace - go home, get some beans on toast down yer neck and get yerself down the Job Centre in the mornin."

[Andrew Curnow]

So to recap: Rose goes down, Big Ears grabs her, and there's a big blow. And all she has to show for it is a plastic arm which she gives to Mickey. The phrase "stranger's hand" passes briefly through my dirty mind, but only until Mickey tosses it into the bin.

Next morning there's much sauciness afoot in Jackie Tyler's boudoir...

[Rob McCow]

We wake up the next morning in bed with the unemployed. The alarm goes, but why bother getting up?

BECAUSE YER MUM IS TELLING YOU TO GET DOWN THA JOB CENTAHHH!

[Andrew Curnow]

But... when is a cat not a cat? When it builds its own catflap.

[Rob McCow]

There's somebody at the door - it's Christopher Eccleston! But he's not signing autographs. Instead he's poking his sonic screwdriver around Rose's flat.

'What are YOU doing 'ere?'
'I live here!'

[Pip Madeley]

"Would you like to give me one right now?" said Jackie, her pink dressing gown clinging to her soft, smooth curvy body. The Doctor looked back, open faced, daydreaming for a split second what it would be like to have the woman ****ing his **** and ****ing his **** ******* ***** ** ***** gripped by his **** ***** ********** **** *** ****** ******** ** ** ****** thick and chunky.

Eventually, he just shook his head and said "No."

[shada pavlova]

I would've.

[Rob McCow]

Anyway... having turned down an icon in her dressing gown, he starts going through Rose's personal possessions. Looks like you have to be young to catch the eye of this Doctor!

[Andrew Curnow]

There follows a terrifying ordeal with a disembodied evil hand of fear. The Doctor leaves, but Rose is so appalled at the threat of legal action from lawyers representing Bob Baker & Dave Martin that she decides to follow him in the hopes of avoiding the delivery of any summons or writ or other such legal mumbojumbo.

The Doctor & Rose have a pleasant stroll while he fills in the plot. (Alas it's the plot of Spearhead from Space, and the lawyers representing the estate of Bob Holmes are quickly on the case...)

[Pip Madeley]

The Doctor gives his big, lyrical but ultimately scientifically incorrect speech about the turn of the Earth. Jason Thompson and Jon Masters look on APPALLED.

[shada pavlova]

And then, for the first time in nine long years, we hear that unmistakeable sound of the TARDIS taking off, stirring many a childhood memory in many of us.

Unfortunately, we don't get to see it. We just see Rose having a bad hair day.

[Andrew Curnow]

So this being the 21st century, what does she do to find out more about this mysterious man? She only bloody Googles him!! Ha-ha!! Her first attempt, "Big ears, hunky" produces thirteen billion results (twelve and a half billion porn) so she thinks about how to, as they say, narrow it down...

[Pip Madeley]

Rose eventually discovers a rather cheap and nasty looking website with a badly Photoshopped photo of a Doctor against a completely different background... Black Sheep, anyone?

[shada pavlova]

Possibly. He must have been checking on James Stevens.

Meanwhile Mickey isn't washing his mugs properly.

[Andrew Curnow]

The search 'bloke off the bank ads' produces, erm, the bloke off the bank ads. Without any apparent coercion or chemical sedation, he manages to get Rose alone in his shed. "Do you want to see my etchings?" he asks.