Results 601 to 625 of 683
  1. #601
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    Nov 2006
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    Who picks up guide dog poo?

  2. #602
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    Apr 2010
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    Melbourne
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    Sick of seeing that silly Money Supermarket.com ad.
    It's been going for months!

  3. #603
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    According to the law of averages, that firm might actually make a reasonably viewable ad.

  4. #604
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    The latest incredible scheme to make Essex libraries pay their way - today we had a visit from a camera crew recording an ad for the Health Lottery. Of course Ebenezer Wallis cashed in on it: pay 1000 and you get the celeb on the ad back. And since it was Anthea Turner, pay 5000 and you don't...

  5. #605
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    Aunt Dolly went to see the doctor the other day - she goes twice a week whether she's suffering from anything or not.

    "Mrs. Oddbucket," says the doctor, "it's my professional opinion that you only come here because you suffer from hypochondria."

    "Don't be daft" he replied, "it's the only thing I haven't suffered from!"

  6. #606
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    Nov 2006
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    Hehehe

  7. #607
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    The woman serving behind the counter in the supermarket today was battling bravely despite having the lurgi that's doing the rounds at the moment. She had a sign attached to the till reading "Hello, I've lost my voice."

    One customer asked "Where did you last have it?" She was asked to leave in no uncertain terms and red ink.

  8. #608
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    Sep 2011
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    Walsall, West Midlands, UK
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    And I'm finally back on tapatalk after being kicked out by an update.

  9. #609
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    Not that i understand a word of that, but welcome back.

  10. #610
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    They're changing the guards at Buckingham Palace
    Since Batman ad Robin made advances with malice.
    Wonder Womn broke down in tears
    When the judge gave each of them ninety years
    Says Alice.

  11. #611
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    Christmas should be in February, when the shops are less crowded.

  12. #612
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    Oct 2006
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    Bracknell, Berks
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    29,384

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    I started the day by having my throat x-rayed.

    I've just got my handcuffs and my truncheon and that's enough.

  13. #613
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    Nothing serious I hope!

  14. #614
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    Oct 2006
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    Bracknell, Berks
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    Not as it turned out, thank goodness!

    I've just got my handcuffs and my truncheon and that's enough.

  15. #615
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    Nov 2006
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    Good news.

  16. #616
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    Loughton
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    Just as well...

  17. #617
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    Melbourne
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    Testing testing 123...

    Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

  18. #618
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    Apr 2010
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    Melbourne
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wayne View Post
    Testing testing 123...

    Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk
    Ooer! It worked!

    Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

  19. #619
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Reading, England, United Kingdom
    Posts
    3,929

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    Congratulations ladies and Gentlemen

    Wayne has made it on to the Internet!




    Assume you're going to Win
    Always have an Edge

  20. #620
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    Apr 2010
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    Melbourne
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    Lol have now got one of these new fangled phone things. Always wondered what Tapatalk was.

    Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

  21. #621

    Default

    Who travels in time and space ending relationships with people?

    Doctor Through.

    Ahem. *tumbleweed

  22. #622
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    What is the name of the time-travelling vet at Whipsnade?

    Doctor Zoo.

    You see, that's how to make really awful jokes!

  23. #623
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    I'm all for free love - after all, paying for it's illegal...

  24. #624
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    Nov 2006
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    Loughton
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    And now it's over to our woman on the spot, Helena Handbasket, for the latest on the January sales.

    "Yes Brian, here I am at the top people's store, Horridds, where the owners have just announcet 50 per cent off for the whole of January, with a further 20 percent reduction on the first ten days of February. Now, back to the studio."

  25. #625
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    London, United Kingdom, United Kingdom
    Posts
    17,646

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    "We carried out a post mortem. We found something under her fingernails..."

    "What did you find?"

    "Her fingers."
    Pity. I have no understanding of the word. It is not registered in my vocabulary bank. EXTERMINATE!

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