Ted Can't Hear You - The Hi-De-Hi thread

[Nyder]

Thought I’d create a thread for Maplin’s most famous holiday camp – oh yes I’ve got a boxed set and I’m prepared to use it!! As you know, my favourite Jeremy Lloyd / David Croft production is “Are You Being Served?”, but my fave Jimmy Perry / David Croft collaboration has to be “Hi-De-Hi!”.

So first of all, the pilot from 1980 – “Hey Diddle Diddle”. I really can’t fathom out why it’s called that – there’s nothing in the story with any reference to a diddle or indeed a hey!

Anyway, it’s 1959 and the opening scene is set at Cambridge University. Shada-tastic! Jeffrey Fairbrother is explaining to Mummy why he’s leaving his archaeology studies to join a holiday camp. The next scene is set on a train where he unknowingly shares a carriage with his two future colleagues – Ted Bovis & Spike Dixon. I only mention these 2 scenes explicitly because I can’t recall many episodes (if any!) where a lot of the action takes place outside the holiday camp. But this is the first episode, so it’s exposition city at the moment! Ted has just been to an audition for a TV series in Manchester consisting of “a lot of people who live in a dead mucky street”……

Soon the action switches to Maplins where we gradually meet all the regulars, including my all-time favourites Yvonne & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves. Come Away Barry! From the start they’re sniping at each other and giving snooty glances to all the holiday makers. Interestingly, there’s a character called Marty Storm who’s an Elvis Impersonator. I have a feeling he didn’t make it past the pilot…..

Here’s one for the pub quiz – the fictional location of the holiday camp is Crimpton-on-Sea!

My favourite section of the show wasn’t featured in the pilot. It’s the bit where Jeffrey Fairbrother has to read out Joe Maplin’s directives to the staff. Always cracks me up!
There’s a lot of early 60s cultural references peppered about, just in case you forgot what time zone you were in! I understood most of them, but had to look up what Keating’s Powder was.

So with 6 episodes in Series 1 it looks like I’ll finish them in a week. Ho-de-ho!!

[Nyder]

This morning was "Desire in the Mickey Mouse Grotto", featuring a young(ish) Gillian Taylforth as a lusty teenager with designs on Jeffrey. Peggy shows her keenness to be a Yellowcoat by doing a spirited performance of The Trolley Song (using her trolley!).

As for Marty Storm, well he's still there but he didn't say anything in this episode.

[Nyder]

The Beauty Queen Affair

This featured Olly The Octopus - I reckon it's Alpha Centauri recycled!


Ted begins his rules of comedy:-

Ted's 1st rule of comedy: Never telegraph the joke
Ted's other 1st rule of comedy: You must have integrity
Ted's 2nd rule of comedy: Pretty girls aren't funny

No sign of Marty Storm in this episode!

[Nyder]

The Partridge Season

Punch & Judy man Mr Partridge has gone on a bender after assaulting a child. Mr Fairbrother & Yellowcoat Sylvia have to step in and perform the show with hilarious consequences :-) That's NOT the way to do it!

What really caused my eyebrows to raise was the language used in this. We had "arse", "tosspot" and "p**shead". Not sure how this got passed the BBC censors for a pre-watershed prog!

[Andrew Curnow]

I remember that one! This thread is making me very nostalgic.

[Simon R]

We worked our way through the series as the DVDs came out. Which took ages as there seemed to be year long gaps between releases. We saw a stage show version a few years ago too!

There's also this buke which I've never got around to reading...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hi---Hi-Comp...6690924&sr=1-1

which also covers the equally enjoyable You Rang M'lord.

[Nyder]

Ha I've got that buke on order :-)

I've got the complete boxed set of HDH, so I'll be working my way through it in between eps of Crossroads. My mornings have never been busier!

[Simon R]

We have the boxed set of Watching to plough through once we've finished Queenie's Castle and Butterflies.

[Si Hunt]

And Slingers Day with Bruce Forsyth!

Si.

[Andrew Curnow]

Are you two running some kind of Asylum of the Sitcoms? It'll be The Happy Apple and Laura & Disorder next!!

[Nyder]

The Day of Reckoning

Fred Quilley's dodgy horse betting past comes back to haunt him in the form of nasty Big Mac (ably assisted by AYBS Canteen Manager Doremy Vernon).

Mr Partridge is fast becoming my fave character. Don't know why this line of his made me laugh, but it did:-

"I know why Molotov cocktails are called Molotov cocktails ......... cos of Molotov".

And is this the funniest scene of Hi-De-Hi ever? What happens next Campers?

[Nyder]

And Slingers Day with Bruce Forsyth!

Si.

Shouldn't you be doing Tripper's Day with Leonard Rossiter first? ;-)

[SiHart]

That scene with the horse on the back on the horse has stuck in my mind since childhood! Fantastic!

[Andrew Curnow]

That's such an old gag (he chucks away the banana and keeps the drink) but it's done so well, and is so funny. Mr Partridge's character really appeals to me, the more so the older (and grumpier!) I get!!

[Nyder]

Charity Begins At Home

It's scams, swindles & petty pilfering galore! The campers are making off with towels, sheets & light bulbs, and the staff all have their money-making schemes. Even Yvonne & Barry are selling 30 bob dance pumps for £3!

Ted's ex-wife is demanding alimony. He admitted he did love her once - on the 26th March 1951.

Two firsts in this episode - the first mention of Miss Cathcart, and the first letter to be read out (word for grammatically-incorrect word!) by Joe Maplin.

[Nyder]

And so we come to the Season 1 finale:-

In The Doghouse

Jeffrey has to smuggle his sheepdog Bubbles into Maplins. This prompts glasses to the wall on either side of his chalet as the staff try to hear what's going on. They're convinced he's got a woman in there. In fact Sylvia heard him say:-

"It's no use begging - you're not going to get any more tonight".

Poor Jeffrey is having a rotten time. He awarded first prize to a Lady in the Ugly Face competition and she wasn't even taking part!

Ted's not happy with Spike and his caveman routine:-

"You were getting titters when you should have got belters".

Of course this lecture was delivered in the chalet with Ted in his usual grubby white vest & boxers.

Mr Partridge has the best scenes as ever. He was so sozzled during his Punch & Judy routine he wasn't even aware Punch had fallen off his hand and was therefore performing "naked"!

And who's this? I'm sure the Seventh Doctor knows:-


So that's it from Maplins for the time being. I'll be back soon for Season 2.

Goodnight Campers!

[duncan]

i adored this show when it was aired. i'm tempted to buy the box set myself.

[Nyder]

Funnily enough I was in Maplins this lunchtime. There was no sign of an Hawaiian ballroom, but I did buy a rather nice audio/video cable :-)

[Simon R]

Has anyone ever managed to hear the Hi-De-Hi cast album? I've spent many a minute trawling various blogs to try and find it online but alas it's as rare as Cher.

[Nyder]

I never knew it existed! I want to see Yvonne & Barry Stewart-Hargreaves on Strictly. They could well have a spat in public though like this retort from Barry today:-

"That wasn't a doh-zee-doh you doh-zee cow"

They love each other really.

[Nyder]

If Wet - In The Ballroom

Mr Partridge has a new act - Willie The Wizard. Still hates kids though. As Peggy said - "he doesn't want much out of life, just a lot of drink".

Yvonne has one of her heads. But at least she & Barry can put wallpaper up in their chalet.

At one point Su Pollard nearly corpses, but she manages to hide it well!

[Nyder]

Peggy's Big Chance

Yes it's this episode:-


One of the classics! Around the Olympic-size swimming pool they're having a "stuff yourself silly" competition - with cake. The winner gets cake!

Barry is having trouble putting the flowery wallpaper up. According to Yvonne, the stalk is not quite lined up with the flower. "It's happened before dear, it'll happen again" sighs Barry.

Really sad ending as Peggy leaves in tears after not getting the Yellowcoat job. I seem to recall HDH had quite a few sad endings!

[Nyder]

Found this letter from Joe Maplin:-

"GET THIS INTO YOUR THICK HEADS

You got to pull your socks up about your pool fun. Last week I dropped in on the Warmsley camp and their pool fun were pathetic. No-one was ducking and no-one was chucking.

GET THIS - I want plenty of ducking and chucking. Let's have some new gimmicks. Neptunes and octopuses is old hat. How's this for starters:-
Host throws Comic in, Comic grabs Host by ankles and throws him in. Punch & Judy man dives in to save them


Riding instructor dives in to save Punch & Judy man. Dancing Instructors do a tango, slip on a banana skin, fall in pool, continue to dance in the water.

I want the whole surface of the pool covered in bobbing heads and pretending to drown.

Joe"

[Nyder]

Lift Up Your Minds

Jeffrey wants to broaden the campers' horizons by introducing record recitals. He's not getting very far, sandwiched between the Spaghetti eating and "who's got the wrong trousers on" competitions!

He also wants to introduce more jolly japes & wheezes at breakfast. I'm with Ted on this one - breakfast is for quiet contemplation!

I still haven't been able to work out what on earth Fred Quilley mouths to the camera each time during the end credits!

[Nyder]

On With The Motley

aka Ted's Big Chance

Ted gets to do a comedy turn at Clacton Golf Club, but he dies on his feet. Not even his "celebrities on the toilet" routine can save him!

** Baby crying in chalet A23 **

Mr Partridge wants to move chalets, away from Fred cos he stinks of 'orses.

No-one's a happy camper today. Even Barry has got one of Yvonne's "heads"!