What Who Are You Currently Watching? - Goes Fourth.

[Leah Betts]

Trevor Martin's death means that there is only two actors left from Part Ten of the War Games that had speaking parts - Hines and Padbury.


Peter Purves and Jackie Lane are the only surviving speaking parts from the Celestial Toymaker.

[Rob McCow]

Last night I settled down to watch The Zygon Invasion / The Zygon Inversion. I remembered these as decent episodes, a bit of a highlight of Series 9.

Oh. My. Gawd.

What a stinking, ponderous, violent load of old cobblers.

If you think Doctor Who is the kind of show that can have the Doctor stand idly by while trained paramilitary troopers point guns at a church threatening to massacre everybody inside, then this is the show for you.

Or maybe you prefer the retconning of Harry Sullivan's character as a man who would make a toxic nerve gas capable of murdering Zygons in their millions. I always thought he was neither cruel or smart enough to do something like that.

Perhaps you like Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, the single flattest, dullest Doctor Who character in the shows history. Jemma Redgrave plays the part as though the only thing she can think about is keeping in the massive fart that's building up inside her. Her performance is so flat an unmemorable that every time she appears on screen I spend at least thirty seconds wondering who the hell she is.

There's also Rebecca Front, who I'm sure is capable of great things. However, I would argue that she's a little mis-cast as a military leader. She doesn't come across as a voice of authority, she comes across as "a bit grumpy". Angela Bruce was a hundred times more convincing in a similar role and she managed to squeeze in some personality as well.

I am *furious* about the whole Turmezistan thing. There are plenty of interesting countries in the world! It's insulting to the viewer and so f***ing parochial that they feel the need to make a country up! It reminds me of Man In A Suitcase and other 60's series where they'd make up African countries to set their stories in. It's unacceptably racist because it writes off a whole continent as an identikit mess of countries that you might as well file under "Bongo Bongo Land". It neglects how utterly different (for example) Botswana is from Nigeria. Or Morocco from South Africa. Or in Doctor Who's case, Turkmenistan from Kazhakstan.

Above all though, The Zygon Invasion was BORING. The concept that "Anyone could be a Zygon" is explained about eight times in the first half hour. The Zygons keep mentioning "Truth or Consequences" in a meaningful way, but it doesn't make sense. What truth are they getting at? Alternatively, why drop cryptic clues about which Mexican town the plot needs to go to next?

Anyway - I gave up after 30 minutes and watched Dave Gorman's Modern Life Is Goodish, which was much better. And featured Toby Hadoke!

[Leah Betts]

Watching "The Mind Robber" and its lingering shot of Zoe on the console, you have to wonder what the Puberty Fairy was thinking when they did Zoe.... "I think this girl's bottom should be more... pronounced".

[Stuart Wallis]

And pronounced Kardashian. "Yes, this girl should have a more kardashian seating arrangement!"

[Leah Betts]

Sad, isn't it? Intelligent, capable, charismatic Zoe and yet all people remember her for sticking her huge butt in the air!

[Stuart Wallis]

And for whether or not she knows what a candle is.

[Leah Betts]

It's the like the "BIG BUTT SKINNER" balloon in the Simpsons, only in this case it's BIG BUTT ZOE/BIG BUTT PADBURY.

[Leah Betts]

[fleeing the Time Lords]

Second Doctor: "lets see if you bastards can do 90!" *flicks TARDIS switch*

[Stuart Wallis]

JAMIE: Can we, Doctor?

DOCTOR: Hush, Jamie!

ZOE: Only isn't that the switch that flushes the chemical toilet?

DOCTOR: Hush the lot of you! (Sudden realisation) Zoe, how long has it been since we last used that switch, and are the Time Lords downwind? Giddy aunt, I wish I'd thought of that!

[Leah Betts]

BERNARD HORSFALL: You would do better to return of your own ac- *impact* OH, GOD! I need a time bath!

[Leah Betts]

Masque:
So the old console room was used at least by Troughton (the recorder) and Pertwee (his very dusty jacket), although we've never seen them use it. I can't think of any reason *why* Troughton would use it, but Pertwee makes sense. Can't get the TARDIS to work so naturally you'd try another console room. What doesn't make sense is the fact that, given his jacket AND shirt were on his butler stand, he must have been trying to control the TARDIS while shirtless.

[Stuart Wallis]

Ah, well, you see, not only did the Delphons communicate with their eyebrows, they were also nudists.

[Rob McCow]

Lots of title sequences tonight. All of them in fact!

I think my favourite is the McCoy era... either that or Matt Smith's second one.

[Leah Betts]

You're the Third Doctor. You're driving Bessie very fast, trying to figure out where you are and what's going on. You're with a companion you saw yesterday or so but who is clearly from your future. A bearded man in black cries out as you drive past him, 'Doctor, wait.' Your companion, who just missed meeting him on either side of her tenure, asks who it was. You answer you don't know.


But then the idea hits you. 'No,' you say in disbelief. 'It couldn't be!'


Why is the possibility that it's the Master so hard to believe? Sure he's changed, but Time Lords do do that. It can't be because it wasn't an actual regeneration because 'Another regeneration?' is the first thing asked.

[Stuart Wallis]

Well Sarah's still pretty much Sarah, and not unrecognisably so; even more obviously Sarah than in the Tenth Doctor's time, and he still recognised her then.

As for the Master... It's more or less been established that Time Lords recognise eachother even when they've regenerated. Only the Master's last change of appearance wasn't caused by regeneration - he'd possessed someone, and someone the Doctor hadn't met at this point. Presumably there's some sort of telepathy that allows Time Lords to recognise eachother, and something on a DNA level as well. My theory being that there must still be enough Trakenite DNA left over from the Master taking over Tremas that caused the Doctor confusion. He had less trouble recognising him in the TVM because he was expecting him.

[Leah Betts]

Tomb of the Cybermen

For a secret society that prides itself on being super-rational, the Brotherhood of Logicians have a very Pollyanna approach to alien menaces.

The old series is famous for wobbly sets but in Tomb, all the sets and effects are well-filmed and acted at. So what if my dog could probably get through the Cyber-tomb's plastic doors in real life? It all looks very convincing. So what also if the big fight scene features some very unconvincing uses of wires and dummies so that characters can hold each other above their heads?

Kaftan. A silly name - I mean, really, a middle-Eastern woman called Kaftan? It's like having a Scotsman called "Kilt". That said, Kaftan is a terrific schemer.

[Perry Vale]

Got a new 5.1 setup over Christmas, so popped The Leisure Hive into the dvd player. Mark Ayres surround mix & Peter Howell's score sound awesome. It's a great little story too.

[SiHart]

That's a great mix to try your 5.1 system out on. It sounds amazing!

[Leah Betts]

Letitia Wright, who played male impersonator Anahson in 'Face the Raven', is now a big Hollywood star with roles in 'Black Panther' and 'Ready Player One'.


Felicity Jones, who was the Unicorn, went on to be the lead in one of the new 'Star Wars' films and has an Oscar nomination to her name.


Meanwhile, McDonalds has taken out an injunction to prevent former Doctor Who regulars from scrounging through their bins.

[Stuart Wallis]

Tom Baker replies: "Ahhh well... That was the day K9 detected spaceships the shape and size of burger cartons in their waste bins. Romana was appalled, so we told her it wasn't just the aliens who had no sense of proportion. She never did find that one funny..."

[SiHart]

I've been rewatching the Christopher Eccleston year recently. It's really very good and the stories are a lot of fun, even if the tone is somewhat all over the place at times.

It's funny, at the time I thought he looked ill at ease a lot of the time, but he doesn't seem like that now.

[Stuart Wallis]

The Space Museum. Challenges Underworld in the running around doing very little at a sedate rate stakes. The entire cast are really trying though - if you're the regulars or Richard Shaw, you're a different type of trying compared to everyone else...

[Nyder]

Still feeling under the weather with this chesty cough/cold so Masque of Mandragora is being my Nurse Maid. Just love the bit where The Doctor sticks the orange on the end of the sword.

[Stuart Wallis]

Tom advises "Ah, well, lots of vitamin C in oranges. Try not to have too many though - look what happened to Heironymous; he was literally orange at the end. He's better now; lots of bananas. Which has solved other problems that they'll lock me in the Book Tower for discussing..."

[Leah Betts]

The Time Meddler

Why do the Vikings attack Edith at all? They're supposed to be a scouting party for an invasion fleet, so doing anything that draws attention to themselves and riles up the natives is very silly.

Why is Gunnar hiding up a tree? It's a great piece of direction, making the scene dynamic within the limitations of a tiny set but... why would he?

(The infamous Doctor Who Weekly synopsis of this story - you know, the one that claims the Doctor described the Monk as a "fellow Gallifreyan" - tells us that the Vikings basically sack a village and murder all the inhabitants. Tragically the TV version stretches no further than a small hut, three speaking Saxons and some random vegetation because they'd already blown the budget on the Mary Celeste and Gubbage Cones.)

Given that the Vikings have only just landed hereabouts, where does the comedy helmet on the beach come from in the first episode? Maybe the Doctor's speculations are correct and he ended up thwarting the Monk but overlooked the even more insidious threat of the Invasion of the Space Cows.

Judging by the end of the story, TARDISes have a severe - and potentially fatal - design flaw. Thank heavens that Sexy is entirely reliable and has never been known to go wrong!